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THIS SITE IS GONNA BE LEGEN - WAIT A WHILE FOR IT, I'VE GOT SOME OTHER STUFF TO DO BEFORE I GET AROUND TO FINISHING THIS SUCKER OFF, WHICH I ACTUALLY MIGHT NEVER GET AROUND TO DOING - DARY

Mission Statement from Barney Stinson - Founder and CEbrO

Do whatever you want with your hard earned money on the internet without the government getting in the way!!! I've barely received any cease and desist orders from the Attorney General!

Why LegalPokerAruba.com when there
are so many other offshore gambling sites?

  • It's the only site where you can play STRIP ONLINE POKER. Pull in chip stacks, while checking out racks!
  • You'll be begging for a Royal Flush because each one of our Queens is a different naked chick! Four-of-a-kind gets you a FREE FIVEWAY!
  • Play Hearts and hear me say "Suit Up!" when somebody throws a new suit!
“Staring at my computer and losing money          
     has never been this much fun!"

-Shane Lennon

Hold ‘ Em

Play Aruba's most popular poker game, Texas Hold 'Em! Sometimes it's just called "Hold 'Em" in conversation, though that can be confusing when a female companion grabs your deal instead of dealing the cards. Also "Texas" could be implying the size of said deal, though that may just be me. Carry on.
"I didn't think they needed my social security number,          
     but I gave it to them anyway!"

-Patrick Kang

Xing Hai Shi Bu Xing

This game is my personal favorite and if you have a moderate grasp on the Chinese language and can follow the basic rules, you'll love it too!
  • Just place your bets with cards and Mahjong tiles
  • Roll the dice
  • Spin the roulette wheel
  • Change places with who you think has the best hand
  • Decide which girl has the jelly bean
  • Face off in a Yo Momma joke challenge
  • Spin the dreidel
  • Compare bowie knife sizes in Australian accent
  • Have a literal pissing contest
  • Play that four-square paper thing the cool girls in middle school played
  • Then wait for the dealer to set the come out on the pass line

Look like a Pro with your very own LegalPokerAruba.com Hat

You want the respect that online poker players get, you got to dress the part and get this hat. We've done a full scrubdown of the facility in Oranjestad since the massive lice outbreak, so we should be good to go!
"I met my second and fifth wives on LegalPokerAruba.com!"
-Tanner Silverstein

Apparel Coming Soon

  • LegalPokerAruba.com handkerchiefs to wipe the sweat pouring from your face!
  • Keep your wrists healthy with anti-Carpal Tunnel wristguards!

Watch How I Met Your Mother, Mondays 8/7c on CBS!